Closing up shop.

Dear readers,


First off, I would like to thank each and every one who has ever taken the time to read my little blog. It has been so great. :)


I have decided to close up shop on It's Only Life. I started the blog back about a year and a half ago (I think) and I've decided to end it here. 


If you kept up with my blog with any consistency, one of the main things you would notice is that I would often talk about my college woes and victories with you. One of the main issues I've dealt with during this season of my life, and having this blog, has been not quite knowing just what I'm doing at college and with my life. I've talked about creative writing, tech writing, and recently journalism. I keep flip-flopping between ideas because I truly have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I felt like that was such a big deal, being in college and having no solid plans. I was literally freaking out every other week because I got so overwhelmed with choices that I still have time to think and pray about. I was allowing myself to be crippled by fear and anxiety by something that I don't need to be afraid of. If you know me well, then you know I don't like talking about my problems with other people. But I was getting desperate so I talked to a couple people. Suffice it to say, they are much wiser than me. And they helped me to see a little more clearly about the whole situation. Over the past couple weeks I've uncovered some deeply-rooted fears in myself that I didn't even know existed. It's been upsetting but freeing at the same time, and I've decided to end this blog, because I am ending this season of my life. This season of worry and resolutions and generally driving myself mad with all the "what ifs?" and "how comes?" in my life. I'm just going to do the things I love to do and wait for God's direction.


I'm not sad at all to leave this little season of my life behind. In fact, I'm quite excited. And I will definitely keep blogging! I've decided to make a wordpress totally devoted to the things that I write. It'll have a lot of the stuff that I posted on here like song analyses and those little pieces that I wrote. I just don't want to write about myself anymore, it's pretty boring. ;)  I'm going to make the wordpress over this week (CAUSE IT'S SPRING BREAK!!) and I'll post the link so you can check it out, if you so desire. :) 




So here it goes.

My name is Molly O'Sullivan and I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, but that is okay because my God does. I will continue to seek out his will for my life, but right now I'm just going to be still. 

Once again, thank you SO much for keeping up with this blog. I won't delete it or anything, because I make a point of never deleting the things I write. :) But anywho, I'd just like to end this post with some of the verses that I have been thinking a LOT about. 

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. James 4:14



For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. Matthew 16:25

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33


M

Adventure is out there!

So it's been a while since I have updated on here, and I have a few minutes so here we go:

This semester is going to be one of the better ones I've had at UNT. I am enjoying almost every single one of my classes, and I feel like I'm actually learning something in each one...even math! Who woulda thunk?

Anyhow, the class I'm loving the most is my intro the media writing class. It only meets on Mondays and Wednesdays, but I am learning so much. My professor is incredibly intimidating, and she challenges us all to make the class a priority and do nothing less than the best we can. I know it's only a core class for the major, but then I stopped and thought about it. I came to conclusion that this class may be the most important one I take for this field because it is laying the foundation and teaching the principles I will use for the rest of my journalism career (scholastic as well as out in the actual field).

I really don't know where I see myself in the journalism field. I would love to work for a newspaper. One of the main things I'm learning right now is that all venues of media are merging together, so I may end up working for a plethora of different media outlets. Who knows? Who's worrying? Not me! I'm just having fun right now.

My photography is going very well. I just did my first couple shoot this week and it went over splendidly! I have a couple senior sessions in the scheduling process right now, and overall, I've been having a fantastic time doing the whole thing.

A few weeks ago I bought the Ten-Minute-Trainer exercise program. The program is done by Beach Body and it's basically P90X for people who don't have an hour and a half everyday to devote to exercise. Every workout is just ten minutes and you can do up to three workouts a day. I started a couple days ago and I really had no idea that just ten minutes of intense workout could make me so sore. I love it! :) The program lasts a month and I'm very excited to see how well it works. I'm also coupling the program with eating healthier. Maybe (maybe maybe) if my results are good (which I'm pretty sure they will be), I'll post my before and after pictures. MAYBE.

I'm writing still. Last time I wrote on the blog,  I talked about this idea that I had been cooking up for a while. I'm still working on it, as well as other projects. With the recent changes I've made to my major, I've felt a lot less pressured to get a project finished. I still want to write creative fiction and hopefully get it published, but now that I have a better handle on what field I want to work in I don't feel like a failure if I don't finish something as quickly as I had planned. I'm working on three projects: the one I talked about last time, a new idea, and a very very old idea that I started writing when I was 15. They're all going well.

I absolutely love studying journalism. I'm so excited to see where it will go. But I was talking to a new friend the other day and we were discussing our majors. My friend talked about what he saw himself doing in his major and wanted to know about me. I was telling him everything about the field I'm studying and about how I didn't know where I would end up. As I was telling him where I wanted to end up, I found myself subconsciously thinking that a career is not where I ultimately see myself.

I see myself married and a mother. I realize that most people hear a young woman say something like that and think she isn't smart because she should make something of herself or whatever. But I believe that God has someone out there for me. Maybe I'll have a career first, maybe I won't. It doesn't matter to me. My life will be an adventure no matter what happens. The way I see it, I'm following greatest storyteller in the whole world. He's written my story already, all I've got to do is seek out His will and my life will be an adventure.

Well, it's been lovely catching up. I feel like I say this every time, but sorry for being so inconsistent! Thanks for reading. :)

M

Am I the only one who is not watching the game right now?

Why, yes. Yes I am. My entire family (sans my brother who is working on his homework) is sitting in the other room watching the World Series. I think the Rangers are winning, but I'm not sure. Anyhow, I figured since I had a minute, I would update a bit. 

I'm sort of on an Owl City streak; I guess it would be more appropriate to say I'm on a Deer In The Headlights streak. :) 

Anyways, today was the first really cold day of the fall! I woke up and it was cold, rainy, and overcast which is my favorite weather in the whole world. So I put on a sweater and my favorite boots and I enjoyed walking around on campus with the wind blowing crisp and cold. And it only rained when I was inside. :) After my first class, I saw my dad's jazz lab band play in the student center. They were really good. I always forget how much I love jazz until I hear it live. I don't really like listening to it on CD (unless it's Jamie Cullum or Kurt Elling) but watching live jazz is an experience. I love it. 

Tomorrow I have a tutoring session for the GSP test. The Grammar, Spelling, Punctuation Test is a prerequisite to entering the Journalism program at UNT. In order to pass the test, you have to score 14 out of 20 questions (70%) on all three sections. I wasn't nervous at first, because I don't typically have issues with spelling, grammar, or punctuation (I bet you go back and reread this post to check for errors. Its okay, there you found one!) but when I took the practice tests I scored around a 60% on the grammar and punctuation parts. This test really gets down to the nitty gritty rules of the English language, so I'm a little concerned right now. Everyone keeps telling me I shouldn't be nervous, and I know I shouldn't be. I'm just a very poor test taker. I rarely make As on tests, and it is not for lack of preparedness. I don't know if it's actual test anxiety or if I just psyche myself out. Whatever the reason, I don't do well under testing conditions. So I'm just hoping to get in there and kill this test so I can register for my classes. 

Work is going well. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I really love my new job at Justice. I love the atmosphere. It's very chilled out, but at the same time we do a lot of sales competitions and, for some reason, that sort of thing is really fun to me. I love doing customer service. I know that sounds really hokey, but I like helping these little girls that come in find outfits and birthday presents and their moms good deals. At the beginning of the summer, when I'd first started looking for jobs, I had pretty much accepted the fact that I'd get stuck in fast food or something because of my lack of experience. My grandfather worked in retail for 20 some odd years, and retail was kind of my ideal when I started applying places. The fact that I landed my first job at a retail store is completely amazing to me and I'm very thankful. I love my coworkers, they're all amazing. 

Writing is also going very well. I think I said in one of my recent posts how I decided to cease working on The Lion to work on another project, but I didn't really say why. So here's a long rant about my writing: 

I have been writing fiction since I was ten years old, so that means I've been writing for eight years give or take a few months. I only finished an actual story this past August and it wasn't very good. After struggling through plots and characters and settings and all that jazz, I've come to the conclusion that I've been writing the wrong genre for at least a few years. I tried to make my style mimic that of my favorite authors and that doesn't work for a myriad of reasons. I was limiting myself creatively by trying to fit my style into a neat and tidy box, which made my characters flat and the plots meaningless. I wasn't writing from my heart and while that is a corny statement, it was detrimental to every word I wrote. Another that was was wrong with the way I was writing was that I didn't really have a purpose in a particular story. I suppose, for most writers, the goal is to write something great that readers will enjoy. That is an awesome goal, one that I'd like to fulfull someday. But that cannot be my ultimate goal in this process of writing a story or I will fail. I belong to Jesus Christ and the purpose of my life is to further the Gospel and bring glory to the Creator. That purpose bleeds over into every aspect of my life: work, school, friends, career, everything. If my purpose isn't to glorify the King, then I have no purpose and my life is meaningless. So whatever I write has got to point the readers to the first Author who loves them and wants them for Himself... 

And that is what I am endeavoring to do with this new project. I've been putting together this plot for a while, and I've only written bits and pieces. It's tiring, but I take great satisfaction in what little bit I can get done for it because it is all for a purpose greater than myself. Please pray that I would continue to persevere in this idea and that God would bring creative ideas to my head and that I would not loose my focus and get discouraged. He is good all the time, and I know whatever happens, happens for a reason. 

Sorry for being such an inconsistent blogger. Things have been crazy busy with school and whatnot. I will do my best to update more. Thanks for reading!

M 

PS: I don't know why the letters are highlighted black. I didn't do it, and I can't figure out how to turn it off. Sorry :P 

I only have 9 minutes until class, so I'll make this short and sweet...

1. I freaking love Harry Potter more than any other movie I've ever seen in my whole life. 
2. I am ready for these dumb classes to be overwith so I can move on to the cool classes related to my major.
3. The editing process for The Lion has not really started. It sort of did for a while there, but then I decided that I wanted to revamp and do something totally different with it, so it may not be done before Christmas. I really struggled with making the decision to let the idea I have stew for a little while, but here is the blog entry by one of my favorite writing blogs that forced me to go with my gut: Click here
4. Zooey Dechanel's new show called New Girl is so funny. I've watched the first episode about three times. 
5. I'm ready for Christmas.
6. I'll write more later when I have more time. 

M 

Just call me Lois Lane

I'm so very sorry, readers (for those of you who haven't totally boycotted me for lack of attention to this blog)  for not keeping up with you. However few of you that may be. I've been extremely busy since the beginning of the semester and I have a feeling it's only going to get worse as the days pass. But God is good, all the time and I have some pretty exciting news...


I changed my major! (No surprise) To Journalism! (Wait...whaa??)


Yes, it's true. I changed my major to Journalism and by the end of this week, I should be officially declared as a pre-Journalism major! I know this is kind of sudden because the last time I talked about major changes I was talking about tech writing and merchandising but to be honest, this change was kind of sudden for me, too. I kept trying to spin the English thing into something that would satisfy my need for creativity but also my future need of employment. :) I couldn't justify switching to tech simply because it was more employable than creative. I'm not one of those people that can sacrifice what it is they love to do in order to make money. If I'm not able to use my creative outlet - which is writing - in my long-term job, then I will most likely be dissatisfied. I'm not saying that God couldn't put me in a place of work sans writing where I wouldn't be happy because I love my job at Justice and I don't write a thing. I also don't discount the possibility of getting married and not having to support myself all on my onesy. But I feel that planning for whatever comes my way is the best possible course of action. 


So why journalism? 


Truthfully, I felt an irresistible urge to check out UNT's journalism program and I don't know why. But as I read about their news writing/editorial program it just screamed me. I scheduled a visit with the advising office, went, and changed the major. The program has all sorts of opportunities for media writing, online blogging, and this really cool thing called creative nonfiction. I'm super excited to start the classes in the Spring! :) You may call me Lois Lane from now on. :)


Classes are going as well as can be expected for them all being GenEd; I'm pretty bored with them all right now, to be honest. But I've committed to making all As in my classes, so I'm studying and reading every day. I'm excited to begin the classes for my major! 


BSF started last night, and that was amazing as usual. My group is going to be great, I can just sense it. :) 


I joined the adult choir at my church and that was so great. I already know quite a few people in it - including a couple girls who were in student choir with me - and everyone else was just so welcoming. Honestly, it felt like coming home. There's such a sense of community and the only reason I can give, is that God has truly blessed the ministry. I'm so thankful for my choir family. :)


That's all that's been going on as of late, other than I've been writing a lot. Thanks for reading and putting up with my inconsistent blogging. :)  


M  

And now...

After an evening of happy dances and spontaneous outbursts of excitement, I've decided to begin the editing process of the book I finished yesterday today. I originally thought I was going to wait until next Monday just to give myself a break, but I woke up really wanting to begin this new phase of the project.

Today is the first day of school and I'm sitting in the Language building waiting for my one o'clock class to begin. I already went to my Government class and it looks a lot like the one I took last semester. So while I have an hour to kill, I'm going to write this quick update and begin editing the prologue of The Lion. The way the story's title had morphed as time has passed amuses me greatly. I originally planned on calling it The Lion, the Rock, & the Bicycle for reasons that wouldn't make sense unless you knew the story. After writing about half of the story I decided to knock off Bicycle and just call it The Lion & The Rock. And now, after completing the first rough draft of this story, it is now simply called The Lion. The title may change again as I finalize the chapters and characters - who knows?

I really wish summer wasn't over. I'm sure that's the sentiment of most everyone right now, but I really really don't want summer to be over. I'm going to miss being laid back and hanging out with friends til all hours of the night - or morning - and having enough time to read, write, hang out with people, watch a movie, watch a show, exercise, and take a nap all in the same day. I've set a goal for this semester to make all As in my classes and to get abs. I know to reach those goals, I will have to be very careful with my time and use it constructively basically every waking second of the day. If I can achieve these goals, it will be worth being busy and stressed and tired all the time.

Okay, I've gotta go be productive.

M

You know that novel I've been workin on...for two years?

The rough draft is done! Done! I've finished something I started. The rough draft is done and I'm a little freaked out. It's rough in every sense of the word and no where near ready to be read by anyone but me just yet, but it's finished! I reached my goal of finishing the rough draft before school, which begins tomorrow!

The new goal: To get The Lion up to snuff so I won't feel horrible letting other people read it. By Christmas. :)

Please pray that I would persevere in this project to make it excellent. It's good right now, but I want it to be great.

Praise God. He's so good.

M

Excerpt

I've been working on my project tonight and I just wrote the quote I'm posting below and I just really like it. This is a turning point for one of my characters and marks a HUGE change for him personally. And, just so you don't think I'm allergic to proper nouns, I've taken out his name so nothing is spoiled. Ya know, for ALL those people who follow my blog and who would buy this story if it ever got published. ;) 

Anywho, here it is.

"Life was more than what he'd made up in his mind. He had a greater purpose and even if he didn't know what it was right now, the mere knowledge that something bigger than himself was out there made every moment more precious, every color a little brighter, and every day seem more like an opportunity than a task."

~Excerpt from The Lion by Molly O'Sullivan

M

As the summer comes to a close...

It seems that when the summer started, everything went by so fast and now as the summer comes to a close, it's oozing by dreadfully slow. At any rate, I've not been up to much lately; just working and writing and spending time with people before life becomes a haze of schedules, homework, more work, and structure. I'm ready for the structure but I also don't want my laid-back time to be over. But all good things must come to an end. 


I didn't accomplish most of my summer goals, but I did do some and I also  modified a couple. You can read the long post here, but here is the list I made back in May. 

Read, read, read. I want to finish Mere Christianity, Franny and Zooey, Just Jane, and Breakfast At Tiffany's. I want to read more Nicholas Sparks and Anna Karenina, too. (This one was an epic fail. I didn't finish and/or read any of these. I know, the English major who can't buckle down and finish any book she starts. I ought to be taken out back and shot. I did, however, begin the first Harry Potter book and I am enjoying it.) 

I want to finish my novel. I'm seven chapters in and I think if I can dedicate a couple solid hours every day to working on it, I can get it finished. (I'm a much better writer than reader. I am about two or three chapters away from being done with my novel!!)

I want to do a study of the book of Jeremiah. I'm doing it on my own without a study guide. We'll see how it goes. :) (Again with the reading. :P I did five chapters of in-depth study and have learned a lot. I'm not going to stop reading Jeremiah, it just won't be done before summer's over with.)

Continue growing my hair out.  (Done. :) Still growing it out.) 

Find at least three new musical artists who I consider my favorite. (DONE! Noah and the Whale, Bon Iver, and Fleetwood Mac.) 

See those friends who will be moving away for college before they go. (I'm having coffee with a great friend on Tuesday before she leaves for OK and I will hopefully be seeing some other people before they head off to college.)

So all in all, it was a fairly decent accomplishment of goals, considering my tendency to procrastinate and get absolutely nothing done. Here's a small list of some of the other things I did this summer...

• Went on the most amazing mission trip. You can read a REALLY long post about that here.
• Watched both seasons of Make It Or Break It. Don't judge, it's highly entertaining. :)
• Spent too much time on Tumblr. Here is my Tumblr. If you're on it, you should follow me. ;)
• Saw new movies in the theater: Soul Surfer (meh), Cars 2 (pretty funny), Cowboys And Aliens (frigging awesome! Go see it!), and Crazy Stupid Love (also a great flick).
• Started a new book idea. Don't worry, I haven't abandoned the old one and it will be finished in time! 
• Started my first job. I absolutely love my new job and coworkers at Justice! I like it so much, that I'm looking into merchandising at my school. I'm not rushing into any decisions and I haven't actually decided anything yet. :) 
• Celebrated many birthdays
• Saw my lovely friend who has been living in Mexico. 
• Ate at IHOP for the first time. I'm in love.
• Took pictures, as you will see later
• Saw fireworks
• Went to a Ranger's baseball game
• Made an excellent batch of arroz con pollo (rice with chicken).  It's something my grandma and dad make all the time and mine came out excellently. I didn't get any pictures of it, though. :P
• Ran into someone I hadn't seen in almost two and a half years at the most unexpected time. 
• Learned to love, trust, let go, and move on a little more

So yes, I had an excellent summer and will look back on it fondly. Here are a few recent pictures. :)

Sarah, my lovely best friend. :) 

Sarah and me

Sarah, me, and Kathryn. Best friends since our Sophomore year in high school. 

I tell you what, we four are DANGEROUS. Dangerous and inseparable. I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank God for friends and sisters who also happen to be best friends. :) 

Aren't they gorgeous? 

My dazzling big sister. 

After we took pictures at the Square that night, we came home and ate and tried to do Henna tattoos. They washed right off afterwards. :) 

Chloe - my little sister - and me while we were baking cookies 

Some lovely friends from church had a birthday party for their youngest daughter who was turning 3. 

So adorable! 

School starts on the 25th. I don't know if I'll blog before then, so ta-ta for now!

M

Sometimes the King is silent

I wish...

I could play a musical instrument

I could sing as beautifully as I want

I could fly

I could say what I feel when it counts

I could be really good at sports

I could be as influential as some people I know

I could make everyone happy

I could put myself into a neat and tidy box

I could draw

I could paint

I could get into a body of water without being afraid 

I could be done with school for the rest of my life

I could be all the things I want to be, but can't

But I am who I am

I am a daughter of the King and sometimes the King is silent. 

It is my duty to wait for Him to move

to speak

 to inspire...

I am not a musician but I will sing for the King

I am not a bird but He will make me soar if I let Him

I do not have the gift of speech, but He will put His words in my mouth

I am certainly not an athlete, but His strength will fuel my movements

I am not good enough, but His grace is enough to make me worth something

I am complicated and stupid but the King gives me the most joyful title ever bestowed: His

I am not a painter so stick figures and doodles will have to suffice, He thinks my art is pretty

I am afraid of the water but the King has made it, so it is beautiful

I am no scholar, but He will use my shortcomings to teach me

I am a heap of ashes, lacking potential and grace and purpose...

but the King makes me beautiful and raises me up to do the work of the Kingdom

Where is my place in this Kingdom? 

I do not know, because sometimes the King is silent

"Be still and know that I am God."

~the King

There's no crying in baseball!

This past Wednesday my family and I went to a Ranger's game. Here are a few pictures. They won, by the way. :)

The incredibly greasy garlic fries. They seem like a good idea in the moment, but the foul breath and stomach upset that follow make the taste and texture completely not worth it. :) 

Mr. Ian Kinsler :) 

What a week!

Wow. That's all I can seem to think right now. I'm sitting at my desk thinking of how I could communicate to you just how amazing this past week was. I think I'm just going to start with a day-by-day description and see how it goes from there.


Here we go.


Saturday: We loaded two buses full of people, luggage, sound equipment, and risers and hit the road at 3:30 in the afternoon. From there we drove to Abilene, TX and stayed the night in a hotel. It was a fun first day and was pretty uneventful. Here are a couple pictures from Saturday.

Lucy on the right and Lesley on the left. Two of the best roommates in the world!
We took this when we got to the hotel in Abilene.  

Sarah and Lesley attempting to play Tummy Ha-Ha.
We were all hanging out in Robyn and Lindsey's room. 

Sunday: We got up sort of early and went to Abilene Bible Church where we sang our first concert. It went very well, no major choreography screw-ups. The people at the church were very nice and receptive. They also provided lunch for us at Prime Time which is an arcade/air hockey/mini-golf type place. After lunch, we drove to Brownwood, TX for our evening concert. I was a little concerned about the turn-up because it was Father's Day. But I think we were all pleasantly surprised when the sanctuary of Coggin Avenue Baptist Church almost filled. The concert went well again, and one of my choir directors from the year I went to Texas Baptist All State just happened to be there! It was so great to see him again and talk with some of the other people who turned out. The church fed us dinner (Chicken Express, to my delight ;D) and then we hit the road again until we got to Round Rock around 10:15PM. Time spent on the bus is always fun with this group. :) 

I managed to only get half of Laura in the picture. ;)
This was very early on Sunday morning before the concert, thus explaining the bleary eyes. ;)

Monday: Monday morning we woke up early and went to Texas Baptist Children's Home which is in Round Rock. TBCH is a facility where families, kids, single moms, etc can come for help. Some of the people live there because of abuse, eviction, and a myriad of other reasons. It's temporary and most of TBCH's clients are there for a year or so, just until they can get back on their feet. Some of the orphans  stay there until they can get into foster care and some couples live in some of the cottages and foster as many as 10 children at a time. Our whole group was split up into groups of 7-9 people headed up by a sponsor to go to a specific area of the campus to do service projects. Manual labor has always struck a note in the heart of this choir. ;) Yes, the pun was intentional. For the last two years of this mission trip, we've spent the whole week working on houses doing repairs and clean-up so this whole day was great.  

My group was assigned to a cottage for general household cleaning. My group got a little lost en route and we went to the wrong cottage. My group leader led us around the back of the house, planning to knock on the door, and this teenaged boy comes out of the door looking incredibly confused. A mother and a little girl followed and we realized that we'd come to the wrong place. After a couple awkward laughs and a profuse apology, we trudged all the way back down the road and found our cottage. The group of moms and their kids who lived in that house were out for the day, and a employee for TBCH was there to greet us and give out assignments. I had a short chat with this sweet lady and really learned a lot about the ministry. If you remember from my last post, I talked about how I was considering a major change to something that would enable me to do children's ministry somewhere. Well, this woman told me that most of the employees who work with the kids, moms, and do other jobs at TBHC get degrees in counseling. My university offers a minor and a Master's degree in counseling so this coming semester I'll do some more looking.

But anywho...

I spent the morning washing windows and window panes. Adrienne (one of the girls in my group) and I demolished the window gunk and we all looked pretty nasty after we got done. :) We took a break for lunch and then came back to TBCH to be split up into our afternoon groups. My group was in charge of washing vehicles. It was pretty fun, but it can be very hard to convince certain people not to spray you with a hose. ;) 


After we got done with the afternoon work, we took off for Wal-Mart. It's a tradition for the underclassman to buy cheap goofy gifts for the seniors so we went early in the week. We seniors spent the hour and a half we were at Wal-Mart walking around and then we went to dinner. Monday was long and tiring. I think everybody was feeling the pressure and nervousness coming on with the knowledge that in the morning, we would sing at our first detention center. We'd been praying for the kids and guards at the juvenile detention centers for nearly a year, but I think it hit everybody at once that we would be face to face with the objects of our prayers very soon. (I didn't take any pictures on Monday)


Tuesday: I won't forget this past Tuesday. I think it was probably my favorite day of the week. We woke up early and went to a pregnancy resource center in Austin. Its name escapes me, but the people were very nice and happy to have us help out. We split up into groups like we did on Monday, but the needs of the center were vast and so many of us ended up breaking off from our groups to go where we were needed. I started out sweeping floors and organizing a kitchen with my group and ended up organizing and sorting baby clothes with another. The pregnancy center is also a church and it was great to be able to help them out. 


After we got done with the work at the pregnancy center, we got changed out of our nasty, smelly work clothes and changed into our choir uniforms (you can imagine how fresh and beautiful our bus smelled). :) We traveled to a juvenile detention center in Austin, TX. Once the buses had parked, we waited for a very long time while the details and security issues were all worked out. We weren't allowed to bring anything with us. No phones, no wallets, nothing. Our sound and equipment teams set up in a foyer-esque entrance inside the main gates. The center itself, looked like a high security high school. I wish I could have taken pictures of our time there, but no one was able to bring cameras in. Once everything was set up, the guards brought the kids in. We were all lined up on the risers and the first boy I saw come in looked no older than eleven or twelve. I think this hit every one of us very hard. It was heartbreaking for me to see kids of all ages walking with their hands behind their backs and their faces turned down. They weren't allowed to move without permission and the guards had them sit in rows on the floor. I looked back at our director, Mr. Lucas, and he was motioning at us to smile. At first I felt this wave of hopeless sarcasm hit me. I thought How in the world can I smile at these kids? What do I have to offer them? What could I possibly do that would make a smile? I have no idea what they've done or the places they've been, what do we have in common? But when the music started I came to the blessed realization that our group had come to give these kids the only thing in the world that could make them smile. We were coming to share the Gospel with them. The good news that frees us from the chains of our sin and offers us grace and forgiveness and an eternity spent with the God who created us and who loves us. God helped me, and others I'm sure, to see that all on our own, we had nothing to offer these kids. But with our hearts focused on our purpose, which is to bring glory to God and to preach the Gospel, God would use us to minister to hurting children. I watched the expressions of the kids as we sang. Some laughed (especially when we started choreography), some scowled, and some simply rested their heads on their knees. Some of the kids smiled and clapped along with us and most of the workers were energetic and some sang along. 


I don't remember much about the concert except for the faces. Once the concert was over, some of the guards took the kids back to their cells and the others stayed behind to divide our choir up into groups. They were going to let us go talk to the kids. When they asked us for volunteers I felt my hand shoot up. I knew if I didn't do it then, I wouldn't at all. I went with a group of about nine other girls in our choir and we followed a worker to the girl's cells. There was a general sitting area with plastic couches and book shelves where about six girls were all sitting. All around this area were individual cells which one girl got to herself. Each cell had a bed, a toilet, and a skinny window. It was so bleak to hear the guard talk about what every day life was like for these girls. She said they were allowed to read and talk quietly, they'd do manual labor in their holding cells and they took school classes and seminars on how to function in society. Once our 'tour' was over, they let us go sit with the girls. Of course, it awkward at first. We introduced ourselves and talked about favorite colors and music and other stuff like that. 


A few of the girls in my group and I struck up a conversation with a smiling Latina girl who I'll call Jill in this post. Jill was interested to know all about us; what we liked to do, what our favorite sports teams were etc. One of the guards in the room stood by our group and facilitated conversation by asking questions. She would ask things like 'What do you do when you get bored?' 'How do you deal with anger?' Questions clearly meant to help Jill understand that she didn't have to go back to what she used to do if/whenever she got out of jail. Though I'm fairly sure she wasn't trying to help us get to the Gospel, this woman's questions opened up the floodgates for Jill to talk to us about her past. Though the smile never left her face, Jill's voice was filled with regret as she talked about how she knew that she'd messed up and how badly she wanted to change if she got the chance. She wasn't allowed to tell us the specifics of what she'd done because she was still waiting for her court hearing, but she basically told us that she struggled with drug addiction as a way of dealing with her grief and anger. Jill told us that she'd experienced a lot of death in her life and she said, "and whenever I get angry, I use drugs to feel better. But when they left me, I still felt bad." My heart broke for this girl and before I knew what I was doing, my mouth opened and the words just flowed. I know it wasn't my knowledge or passion that enabled me to tell Jill about Jesus. The Holy Spirit was working through me and all the other girls who went into the cells that day. Jill nodded her head with interest as we talked about God's forgiveness and how a relationship with Jesus is the only thing that will comfort grief and calm anger and satisfy our deepest desires. Though no conversions took place in the girls' holding cell that day, I know that, with the enabling of the Holy Spirit, we planted seeds in the hearts of those girls. I can only pray that God will send someone else to water them. I will probably never see Jill again but I will never forget her face or her voice or her smile and beautiful accent. I will also never forget the joy that washed over me when I saw one of the girls in our group pray with her before the guards made us leave. I walked out of the holding cell a different person. 


As we left the juvenile detention center, most of us were quiet. When we loaded the buses and started down the road, almost instantly everyone broke out into conversation. We talked about our experiences and what we thought about the center, how we were surprised, what people said, the looks on people's faces during the concert and so much more. A friend of mine who went to the boy's holding cell said that one of the male guards in the room took her aside before they left and thanked her profusely for talking about the Gospel. "We're not allowed to do that here." he told her. It just makes me sad as I think about how much the incarcerated, child or adult, need hope. And for someone to know that hope but not be allowed to share it must be heartbreaking. I'm so thankful God sent us to Austin that day. 


We drove to our new hotel in San Antonio. Once we'd checked in and cleaned up, we met downstairs and walked to the River Walk which was only a couple blocks away. We split up into groups and went to dinner. It was nice to just walk around with my friends and talk and just spend time together. I think we were all looking at everything differently because of what we'd seen that afternoon and it just made fellowship different. A good kind of different, though. My group ate at a barbecue place called The County Line. 

Where we ate dinner. :) 

This baby is called The Five Meat Sampler. Basically it's brisket, sausage, turkey, beef, and chicken with two sides. I split this with two other girls. After a few days of eating nothing but fast food, we were SO happy to eat this. 

Hence, the result. :) 

After dinner, some of us went to get ice cream, Blue Bell of course. :) We went back to the Alamo, which was out meeting spot, and got a picture of the whole choir. We also did a little impromptu singing and that was interesting. :) Here are a few shots from Tuesday. I really wish I could have gotten some from inside the detention center, but I couldn't unfortunately. 

Just outside the River Walk across from the Alamo.

(From left to right) Neeya, Lesley, Anthony, and Alya. 

Emily and me at The County Line before our amazing dinner. :) 

Justin and Ace who were also in our group. 

Wednesday: Wednesday was the big day. We were scheduled to sing three concerts, one in the morning at one detention center and then two more back-to-back at another. We were all a little exhausted from the previous day but I think everyone felt ready to take the day on. We got up early and traveled to a detention center there in San Antonio. This one looked a lot more like a prison than the first one. There were a lot more gates, security check points, and guards. We set up our stuff in the gym and the guards brought in 50-55 boys. There weren't any girls at this facility and most of the boys looked like they fell into the 15-17 years old category. As we sang I watched some of their expressions go from amused to pissed off to crying to smiling to singing. It was just amazing to physically see God work on the hearts of the guys who were watching. We didn't get to talk to any of the boys after the concert but many of them called out to thank us for coming or to wave as the guards led them out of the room. It was encouraging to see them smile. 


We loaded the buses and ate lunch on the way to the next detention center which was also in San Antonio. We set up in their gym like that last one and the director of the center, who is also the pastor to one of the churches in that area, prayed with us before he let the kids in. It was SO encouraging to know that someone in a position of such authority in the center was a born-again believer. He prayed over and for us and I think it did our group a lot of good. We were so tired. Most of the 30-40 kids who were brought in were boys but there were a few girls too. This concert went very well. We could all see God working inside the kids and guard by the looks on their faces just like last time. I noticed one girl started crying when we first started singing and by the end she was smiling and singing along. Our sponsors sat in the back of the room and they clapped and sang along with us which was really encouraging (I know I keep using that word, it's just the only way I can think of to describe what I felt). After the concert was over, the guards led the kids out. We weren't going to be able to talk to them because we thought we had another concert to do. But it turned out we couldn't get cleared to do a second concert, the exact details I'm not too sure of. But as we walked out of the center, we passed a general holding area where some of the kids were. They came up to the window as we passed by and waved and thanked us for coming. A couple of the boys were mouthing things like 'we love you!' or 'call me!' It was so funny. That and other little things that some of the kids did at the other centers really just opened my eyes to the truth that these kids are not different from any others. We all come from different walks of life, we all have sins we struggle with, and God sees us all the same regardless of whether or not we're the ones in orange jumpsuits or red choir shirts. 


We left the center and drove to our hotel in Katy, TX. We were going to back out for fast food dinner, but it turned out management was providing pizza for all the guests so that gave us more time to change and relax. I went down to dinner with Lucy and Lesley. We got our pizza and went down to the meeting area to eat. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and realized I had accidentally turned it off. I instinctively turned it on and saw that I had three text messages. One was from my friend Sarah, one was a Tweet, and the last was from my mom. I read the first two as I shoveled pizza into my mouth and came to the text from my mom. She told me she was praying for the trip and she also told me to pray for my aunt Olivia because our uncle Clyde had died that day. Clyde had been struggling with Alzheimer's for a few years and had passed away in his home. As I read the text, my stomach flopped. I just couldn't believe it. I've known my uncle Clyde my whole life and though we'd never become very close, he was someone who I just always knew was there. I just sat with my hand against my mouth for a few seconds until Lucy noticed something was wrong. She asked if I was okay and then Lesley noticed and I whispered to them what had happened. I hate crying in front of people, but I lost my resolve and broke down. Thankfully, Lucy and Lesley suggested we go upstairs to our room. I gave my food to someone, I honestly can't remember who, and we walked up to our room together. Once inside, I sat on the bed and Lesley came and sat down next to me. I rested my head in her lap and she just let me cry. I'm so so thankful for both Lesley and Lucy. They were so great that day. It was only a matter of maybe 10-15 minutes before I got a text from Mr. Lucas asking what was wrong and a visit from two other sponsors who heard something had happened. I was so thankful for the support of everyone that day. 


After dinner, went to the Katy Mall which was two minutes away from the hotel. We split into groups to just hang out. I didn't feel like going at all that day, but as time passed, I was thankful for everyone's company. It helped to take my mind off of things and thankfully there was a lot to laugh about. Like this...

I don't know who comes up with inventions like this, but whatever. This is a life-sized hamster ball which floats on water. They blow it up with air and you can get inside and roll around for 5-7 minutes. This is Isaac. He spent all five minutes trying to stand up. As you can see, it didn't work. 

Lesley also got in the ball. She was turning somersaults and doing handstands. :) 

Lesley and Isaac trying to run each other over. :) 

So Wednesday was an intense day but God is good. We were able to have some quiet worship time at the end of the night which did me a lot of good. All in all, it was a good day. Here are some more pictures from Wednesday.

Lucy, who has been affectionately nick named Melman, and I before leaving for our concert in San Antonio. 

Delany and Krissie at the Mall in Katy making their super model faces.

Thursday: Thursday we got up and drove to The Salvation Army - Harbor Light Center in Houston, TX. We set up in their chapel and started rehearsing. We had been told by Mr. Lucas that we'd be singing for about 60 men who had struggled with substance abuse. I don't know about the rest of the group, but I had been expecting dismal men who would be skeptical, but I was so so wrong. Before our concert the director of the center came in and said that their men's ensemble called the Salvation Army Singers wanted to sing a few of their songs for us. So we all filed into the pews and this group of about fifteen middle-aged guys walked slowly down the aisles singing soulful a cappella pieces. Their singing brought so much joy in the room. After they sang about three songs, the rest of the men came into the room and we did our concert. I hate to say concert, because at this particular place it didn't feel like we were singing to an audience. Most of the men sang along with us, stood up, clapped, and just interacted with us. They were so receptive and joyful. After we got done, they stayed around a long time to chat with us. I spoke with one guy, along with some of the other girls, who just couldn't stop going on and on about how thankful he was that we came. Though we'd planned to eat lunch out, the men at the Salvation Army had made us lunch. So after lunch, we hit the road and headed for our next destination. 


We arrived at the Star of Hope Ministries in downtown Houston around 12:45. Star of Hope is a family emergency shelter which houses mostly moms and their kids who are trying to escape from hostile living environments. We didn't get to hear a whole lot of details about how the ministry works, so suffice it to say that the organization provides shelter, food, and clothing for those who need it. The campus is huge and it was very easy to get lost in there. :) My group was in charge of organizing the 'toy store.' We dusted some very dirty shelves and organized the new toys. After that we went to the offices and cleaned windows and dusted a conference room. When all the service projects were done, we set up our sound equipment and risers in a commons area where we would sing our last concert on tour. One of the ladies in charge told us that people would probably pop in and out during the concert and to not take it personally. Some of the moms have to go and pick up their kids from the day care center and some of the people who live at the center tend to float around, not staying in one place for very long. When we started the concert, there were about ten people and by the time it was over, all the tables were full. People sang, danced, clapped, cried and worshipped with us. I think the theme that God really wanted us all to get was that no matter what walk of life we come from, everyone needs love and hope. Everyone can be joyful and praise God with their voices. God uses music to speak to us in ways that no other language can. It was a lovely last concert. After it was over, we went out to meet and greet the folks who had stayed. I was accosted by so many people just thanking me over and over for coming. One woman told me, "Y'all are an answer to the prayer I just prayed this morning. It's been so long since I've gotten to be in a worship service." I walked up to one of my friends and we were suddenly accosted by this group of three or four kids who just threw their arms around us and would not let go. They were about 7-9 years old and they kept giving us hugs and kisses and just being so sweet. It was obvious these children just wanted someone to love on them, someone to tell their names and their favorite colors etc. It felt like hanging out with people you've known all your life. They were so genuine and sweet. 


After we left Star of Hope, we drove back to our hotel in Katy and got ready for Senior Night. Senior Night is a choir tradition; it where all the underclassmen present the goofy gifts they bought at Wal-Mart to the seniors and the seniors bestow their last will and testament to everybody else. And by last will and testament they just give goofy things about themselves to whoever they deem worthy. ;) For instance, if you never missed choir you could bestow your perfect attendance to someone who is always late or something like that. It's just a fun time to spend together. Senior night went really well and I only cried once. ;) Here are some pictures from Thursday.

Lucy gave away t-shirts to some people. 

Among other things, I gave my mad choreography skills (which had been given to me the the previous year) to the whole choir so they could be even more 'urban' (as Mr. Lucas wanted us to be) next year. :) 

So normally, one of the underclassmen, named Craig, gives a goldfish to one of the seniors because normally we go to Wal-Mart on the day of Senior Night. But this year, Mr. Lucas switched it up and we went to Wal-Mart on Monday. So obviously, Craig couldn't buy a fish. But he did buy this little container of night crawlers and gave it to Justin. The room was permeated with the smell of dead sea creature for the rest of the night. :P 

Friday: Friday was a bittersweet day for me. We got up at the ungodly hour of 6AM and drove to Six Flags Fiesta Texas in San Antonio. We arrived at opening time and stayed until 4PM. I teamed up with some of the other roller coaster sissies. :) We walked around and ate a really nice lunch before all the restaurants got busy and then we looked at some stores. Eventually we got in line for the Road Runner Express, which is a pretty intense roller coaster if you're a baby about rides. We liked it so much we road it a second time and then we road the Gully Washer. It was a great time and I had a lot of fun. After Six Flags, we loaded the buses and drove home. The ride home was very long but I spent a lot of time talking with people. Our bus did a sort of sing-along to different choir songs and then some oldies. It was great fun. Then they put a movie on and turned the lights off. My friend Ben and I weren't really into the movie so we shared headphones and listened to Tool and the Across the Universe Soundtrack. After that, I went to sleep. We got back to Denton around 11PM. 

My lovely Six Flags group after we'd ridden the Road Runner Express for the second time. :)

Saturday: I was home on Saturday and spent most of the day dozing or crying about how choir was over. ;) 


Sunday: Sunday was my last day as a member of DBSC. It was very sad but also a very happy day. We sang part of our concert in both the morning services and then did our last full concert of the year that afternoon. I will never forget the times I spent with this fabulous group. When I first joined choir, I was fairly new in town and didn't really know many people. It had been very hard for me to get plugged in at the youth group and student choir is where I found my church home. I'm so thankful for the wonderful people God put in my life through student choir. I am looking forward to moving on to college, but I will sorely miss being with this group on Sunday afternoons. They have all, directors, sponsors, and students, influenced me and ministered to me in more ways than I can count. I love them all. 

At our concert on Sunday singing Brighter Day. :) 

Lesley, Ben, and me. I love these people so much. :) 

Delany and me. :D 

Mr. Lucas and me. 

After our concert we had a pool party at one of the sponsors's house.

Krissie :D

Tom

Mikayla and McCall :) 

Some of the boys threw a couple sponsors into the pool. 

Robyn and me. :)